i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
