There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
