so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
