i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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