I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
