I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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