..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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