So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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