My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
