please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize