he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
