Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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