Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
