i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
