lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
