Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
