I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
