discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
