I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
