I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
