Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
