i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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