I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
