She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
