I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
