my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
