Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
