I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
