weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
