If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
