That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize