I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
