when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
