how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
