i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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