im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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