I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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