I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize