grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
