Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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