I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize