I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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