You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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