What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
