what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
