i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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