I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize