when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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