if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
