mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
love makes seman taste better
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
