You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
