He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
