Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
