Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize