you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
