do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
