Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize