TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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