i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
