Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
