another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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