Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
