i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize