Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
