woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
