and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
