theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
