If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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