just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Two words: blizzard sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
