i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
