Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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