he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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