I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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