A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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