My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
