I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
