We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
