sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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