For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
