Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
