you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
