My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
