even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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