I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
