watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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