Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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