I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize