hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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