wanna go halves on a baby?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
