I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
