she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
