If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
