she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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