ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
