your parents love me but you hate me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
