Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
