I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
