mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
