I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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