textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize