call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
