Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
