I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
