i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
