So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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