Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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